my brain is still restless

my brain is still restless, but longs for stillness, i'm exactly where i want to be. i camped on the coast on friday, woke up in a tent in puddles earlier than i had hoped. i walked solo on the beach, just me and my guitar, singing for no one, playing for no one. i was anti-social. i hung out a while longer, a week's lack of sleep catching up and doing its thing with my psyche. eventually, i hit the road and returned home for little more reason than that that was the plan.

my stuff in a pile on the living room floor, i made myself a massive sandwich. mountains were made in my head out of the anthills of my experience, and i knew my thoughts were being over-dramatic. but i was too tired to change course. i ate my sandwich and before long woke up on my couch. i made it to my bed to sleep the night away.

when i awoke, i was greeted by a near-constant rain. i made eggs and toast and sausage, called joel, and though he was the hungover one, i was the bummer.

i went to a movie in the afternoon. two other people in close proximity to me were there alone. one was a girl with a betty page haircut who smelled vaguely of an ex; she wore the same perfume, or bathed with the same soap. but while i associate negativity with the ex in question, the betty page girl wore it well, and the mix with her chemistry made my thoughts drift occasionally during the movie. i left the theater before she got up, giving chance and possibility the finger on the way out. it's how i roll.

i believe i've passed my melancholic state for the moment. still a little mentally hungover, but the fog seems to be lifting. my brain is still restless, though i long for stillness. i wear that paradox proudly on my sleeve.