my brain is still restless

my brain is still restless, but longs for stillness, i'm exactly where i want to be. i camped on the coast on friday, woke up in a tent in puddles earlier than i had hoped. i walked solo on the beach, just me and my guitar, singing for no one, playing for no one. i was anti-social. i hung out a while longer, a week's lack of sleep catching up and doing its thing with my psyche. eventually, i hit the road and returned home for little more reason than that that was the plan.

my stuff in a pile on the living room floor, i made myself a massive sandwich. mountains were made in my head out of the anthills of my experience, and i knew my thoughts were being over-dramatic. but i was too tired to change course. i ate my sandwich and before long woke up on my couch. i made it to my bed to sleep the night away.

when i awoke, i was greeted by a near-constant rain. i made eggs and toast and sausage, called joel, and though he was the hungover one, i was the bummer.

i went to a movie in the afternoon. two other people in close proximity to me were there alone. one was a girl with a betty page haircut who smelled vaguely of an ex; she wore the same perfume, or bathed with the same soap. but while i associate negativity with the ex in question, the betty page girl wore it well, and the mix with her chemistry made my thoughts drift occasionally during the movie. i left the theater before she got up, giving chance and possibility the finger on the way out. it's how i roll.

i believe i've passed my melancholic state for the moment. still a little mentally hungover, but the fog seems to be lifting. my brain is still restless, though i long for stillness. i wear that paradox proudly on my sleeve.

brief update

i'm drinking an italian soda in a coffee shop after drinking some whisky and some beer. it's a bit of a shift in gears, but i haven't yet set up internet at the house.

anyway, i had some visitors from out of town last weekend, which was nice. drank whisky, ate seafood, went to the coast. and it was just good to hang out with someone with whom i have a fair amount of history.

my week has been ... pretty crap so far. if i weren't so level-headed (ha!), i probably wouldn't have a job anymore. my boss lost a lot of respect in my eyes, but i'm still employed (gotta pay rent somehow)... fucker...

reading siddhartha again. good stuff again. that's all i have to say about that.

peace.