I wish, I wonder, I...

sometimes, i wish i had more of an inclination to write. i've been so bad lately at keeping in touch with old friends, be it through e-mails, via this blog, or sending christmas cards (portland got snowed in this year right before christmas, so good intentions weren't good enough). i wish i expressed myself more in writing... like i used to...

but i'm not a writer. my art is music, as it has been for as long as i can remember. and the great thing about being a musician, instead of a writer, is that if you aren't terribly inspired at any given moment, you can still express your art by interpreting another's creation. in writing that's called plagiarism. in music it's called covering. and as long as you aren't trying to make money off of it, or pass it off as your own, it's cool.

and i can enjoy it, and others can enjoy it, and it's all good.

then, when i play my own tunes, songs inspired by others (because there isn't a new thought under the sun), that has its own magic. i can fight with myself, and try to find the chord that makes the sound i hear in my head, and that can be frustrating (like writer's block), but it's a frustration i have dealt with for half my life and that i hope to deal with for the rest of it.

but writing isn't the same. i either over-edit, or let the initial train of thought be the end product (as with this post :) ). and start most of my sentences with "i" or "and" or "but", and fuck-all with fragments and consistent tense and so forth.

I Wonder

i wonder if everyone everywhere is as anxious as everyone i see seems (even the man in the mirror). the girl in the restaurant, the man on the street, the pimply high school kid on the skateboard, they all seem to have the same fear in their eyes. well, not so much the high schoolers, but that's a product of the self-centeredness of that age. but everyone who has to make the money to pay rent, or clothe themselves, or feed themselves... everyone who has a job can only hope to keep their jobs. a couple of my co-workers have been laid off, a few friends have asked if there are any opportunities at my work, and everyday i hope i'm busy enough to feel needed enough to feel secure. and so far, i've been staying busy enough, but i worry the work's gonna run out. i can't say i feel 100% secure job-wise... oh well...

but i am happy...

because i have my music, and i have my health, and i have my job, and a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food (and beer) in my belly. i have a girl i love who loves me, a dog, two cats, an allergy to cats, and drugs for said allergies. there are peaks and valleys in life, and i'm currently here. um, up here, not down there...